The 69 Position: A Complete Guide to Mutual Oral

The first time I tried 69 it was awkward as hell. Neither of us could focus on what we were doing because we were distracted by what was being done to us. Kept losing rhythm. Felt more like a coordination exercise than something sexy. Took a few attempts before we figured out how to actually make it work.

The position is named for how the bodies align. Head to tail like the number 69. Both people give and receive oral at the same time. In theory it sounds efficient and mutual. In practice it takes some figuring out. Here is what I have learned about making it actually good.

How to Set It Up

The classic version has one person lying on their back while the other lies on top facing the opposite direction. Each person's mouth ends up at the other's genitals. The person on top supports their weight on knees and elbows so they are not crushing their partner.

Side by side works differently. Both people lie on their sides facing each other's feet. Nobody is supporting anyone else's weight. Often more comfortable for longer sessions and solves a lot of the logistical issues.

Who goes on top is not a fixed rule. Lighter partner on top is often easier. The person on top has more control over positioning. The person on bottom might find it easier to receive since they can relax more. You can switch during the session if someone gets tired or uncomfortable.

What Makes It Good

Both people receive at the same time. Nobody is just giving or just receiving. There is something about the mutual exchange that feels different from taking turns. The efficiency is real if you are both into oral. Full body contact and knowing you are both focused on pleasuring each other creates its own kind of intimacy.

The divided attention creates a unique sensation too. Receiving oral while also trying to give oral means you are never fully focused on either. Some people find this distracting. Others find it adds something. The partial attention on what you are feeling while the rest of your brain is occupied doing something else creates a different experience than lying back and just receiving.

The Problems You Will Run Into

Not being able to focus on both things at once is the biggest challenge. When you are receiving pleasure it is hard to concentrate on giving good oral. When you focus on technique your attention shifts away from what you are feeling. The divided attention means neither oral is as focused as it would be one at a time.

Some solutions that work. Take turns focusing where one person pauses giving to just receive for a moment. Accept that 69 is not about the best oral ever but about something else. Use it as foreplay rather than trying to finish this way. Or just embrace the chaos. The divided attention is part of what makes it unique.

Height differences can make alignment tricky. Side by side position is more adjustable. Pillows help. The shorter partner might need to stretch or the taller one might need to curl. Sometimes imperfect alignment is just what you work with.

Neck strain is real for the person on the bottom who often has to crane upward. A pillow under the head helps. The top person lowering themselves more helps. Switching to side by side when the neck gets tired is the practical solution. Using hands more to reduce the need for deep oral works too.

Weight concerns come up for the person on top who might worry about crushing their partner. Support weight on knees and elbows. Side by side eliminates the issue entirely. The bottom person can tap or signal if they need adjustment.

Different arousal levels can make things awkward. One person might be getting close while the other is nowhere near. Communicate when you are getting close. Slow down if someone needs to catch up. Accept that you probably will not finish at the exact same moment. Or switch to taking turns if synchronizing is not working.

Different Ways to Do It

Squatting 69 has the top person squatting over the bottom person's face instead of lying flat. Gives more control and reduces weight on the partner. More tiring but more adjustable.

One partner sitting on the edge of the bed while the other lies with head hanging off reversed can reduce neck strain for both people. Different angle too.

Standing 69 where one person is held upside down while the other stands is more of a novelty or party trick. Requires significant strength. Not practical for most people but some enjoy trying it.

Both partners kneeling and facing each other then leaning forward to access genitals works if you are similar height. Less full body contact than lying versions.

Making It Better

Communication is tricky since both mouths are occupied. Non verbal becomes important. Moans and sounds signal what is working. Tapping signals to pause or adjust. Establish signals beforehand if needed so you are not guessing.

Do not rely only on mouths. Hands provide additional stimulation. Hands give your mouth a break. Hold their hips or butt. Stroke while licking. The combination of mouth and hands makes everything more sustainable.

Hygiene matters more here since faces are very close to genitals. Shower beforehand if you are concerned. Fresh underwear and a clean body increases comfort for everyone. If it is post exercise or end of day maybe take turns instead.

Pace yourselves. You do not need intense stimulation the entire time. Vary between active oral and gentle kissing and using hands while resting your mouth and brief pauses to just enjoy receiving. The variation keeps it sustainable.

When It Works Well

Extended foreplay before penetration. Building arousal together. When both people enjoy oral sex equally. Adding variety to oral focused sessions. When you want the intimacy of mutual pleasure without the imbalance of one person just giving.

When Something Else Would Be Better

When you want to fully focus on receiving or giving. When significant height differences make positioning too difficult. When one partner has neck or back issues. When you want the intimacy of watching your partner's face during oral which you cannot really do in 69.

The Real Takeaway

69 is a classic because mutual oral sex is intimate and pleasurable and feels fair in a way taking turns does not always feel. But it works better as part of a broader session than as a position to finish in. The divided attention means neither person gets the same focused pleasure as when they are just receiving.

Use it for building arousal together. For the intimacy of simultaneous giving and receiving. For variety. When you want focused intense oral switch to taking turns. The positions complement each other.

And do not feel obligated to make it work if it does not suit your bodies or preferences. Like any position 69 is optional. Good sex is about what actually feels good not completing some checklist of things you think you should try.